When he was no taller than his father’s knee, he met him. Dr. Hazuki Mikagi.
Dr. Mikagi was a sophisticated man...someone with real potential—as his dad often said when speaking of his accolades. His dull gold eyes and hair attracted him, even at a young age. It was familiar. Like he had been a family member he hadn’t been introduced to before. He remembered being left alone only for a moment while his father took a call, and being so scared that he ran to Dr. Mikagi for comfort. Although he couldn’t quite remember what scared him then, the young blond always gave him a sincere smile whenever he saw him that calmed him down.
Since before he could even remember, his father would occasionally bring him to his facility so that he could see him at work. He knew that when he was older, he would be expected to join him here and help him with his research. It really...wasn’t that much different than being at home. Before Dr. Mikagi, no one paid him any mind. Perhaps because of that, it wasn’t long until he realized he’d rather be around him than his own mother and father. And though the exact nature of the studies they were conducting was lost on him, he liked watching Dr. Mikagi do his thing whilst he stood against the back wall.
It started with a question. An invitation to volunteer himself in the pursuit of science. His father didn’t need to know—his father wouldn’t have cared anyways. In the early stages, it was just a blood sample here and there. Then it was an injection. Despite his want to know what it was all for, he couldn’t bring himself to ask. If he did, then maybe Dr. Mikagi would get bored with him—would reject him in the same way his own family had just because he stepped out of line one too many times.
As his body aged, he begun to pay more attention to his appearance. He was home-schooled—he didn’t have classmates to impress, or friends to catch up on the latest trends with. It wasn’t anything like that. Just...
He remembered laying on a cushioned chair with his arm held out as Dr. Mikagi extracted his blood with a syringe. He had worn his best shirt and fussed about his hair all morning until it looked perfect—and now...as Dr. Mikagi effortlessly filled vial after vial...he watched in anticipation. Hoping for something to happen.
It was only after he begun to feel lethargic that he noticed it. The dazzling smile staring back at him as he unwrapped a cherry lollipop just as he had done hundreds of times before. There was something about it...something that he couldn’t place. Even so, he couldn’t help it. He dizzily lifted himself off of his seat and collapsed right in front of him. Dr. Mikagi caught his head on his lap and gently brushed his hair back with his fingers until he passed out. When next he awoke, he was laying in a sterile room where there was no one else around but Dr. Mikagi. Simply...Mikagi. His handsome face being the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes—robed in white, like an angel. He wasn’t quite sure who whispered whose name, but ‘Rindo,’ passed by his ears, whilst ‘Mikagi-san,’ fluttered elsewhere. They kissed...quietly.
Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it just couldn’t be helped. Maybe he didn’t want it any other way.
It was like magic. Like drifting in and out of a dream...their lips pressed together in one instance, and in the next...he was floating through the clouds high in the sky. As if they were on a plane of existence that couldn’t be comprehended. Passing through the confines of different realities on a soft breeze. Who knew that it could be this simple? The greatest paradox of all—solved, just like that.
“Rindo, are you feeling alright?”
He couldn’t place when exactly it started, but at some point he begun developing a cough. “I’m fine. I’m not sick.” That’s all it was though—a cough. It was dry. Unreliable. Honestly, he had gotten used to it by the time Dr. Mikagi brought it up.
“Is that so? If it gets worse, let me know.”
Dr. Mikagi stepped closer to place the back of his hand atop his brow. Pleased with the lack of fever—or perhaps he had just used it as an excuse—he smiled before leaning down and kissing him. The airiness that swam through him whenever their lips met felt like being completely detached from his body. It lingered even when Dr. Mikagi took a step back. His soul slowly returning to its vessel. “Yeah, sure...”
Anywhere else, he would’ve been glued to his phone. There wasn’t service in this research facility, but it never mattered to him. Watching Dr. Mikagi as he mixed vials, took notes, and fiddled on one of his many terminals...it was enough. He was a part of this too—his eyes half-lidded as a wire connected his arm to a monitor. It really was like dreaming. Actually, it was probably better than dreaming. Whenever he volunteered his time to Dr. Mikagi’s research...whenever he laid on the reclined seat and was given whatever it was that Dr. Mikagi injected into him...it felt like the network of blood inside of him was cycling a relaxant back and forth. Dr. Mikagi looked so beautiful as well when he was at work.
Sometimes...sometimes, Dr. Mikagi’s gloved hands would be soaked in a wondrous red. The red at the top of a rainbow. A candied apple...or the festival fireworks he could glimpse from his bedroom window when night fell in the summer. When he was an adult, would Dr. Mikagi take him to see them? Atop a hill, overlooking all of Tokyo as lights danced in the midnight sky. Holding hands as they laid atop the grass...holding hands, and sharing the taste of their lips with the other. Would they live together? Would they...
At times it felt like cool water seeped into his guts and filled him up to the brim. Spider silk weaving in between his nervous system to hold him together, but also to wrap him up like a present box.
He liked when Dr. Mikagi’s fingers trailed his collar, and then the skin underneath. He purposefully wore button-up shirts...because he liked it when Dr. Mikagi undid the little buttons one-by-one. There was something about how Dr. Mikagi felt on him that wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced before. Otherworldly. Safe. Even when he was younger and his father led him around the facility by his hand, there was always some sort of urgency to his touch. With Dr. Mikagi, he felt like the most precious of diamonds being carefully cut down to fit into the socket of a stunning ring or necklace. Every touch intentional—every kiss laced with care—with Dr. Mikagi, he was important. Essential. He held his attention captive, and he could see it in his eyes. Their love was mutual...and he believed they both yearned for it even when they were apart.
“I want to try it like this today. Will you promise to keep your eyes closed and tell me if you feel any pain?” Though he didn’t quite understand what Dr. Mikagi meant, he trusted him enough to nod his head and close his eyes. “That’s good...just focus on the sound of my voice and your breathing.”
The warmth of Dr. Mikagi’s breath on his bare skin made him shiver. There was a metallic sound, but he instead focused his ears on the soft shushing that eased him into a state of pure relaxation. “Shh...shh...you’re doing wonderful, Rindo. Just a little more, and then...” He barely registered the feeling of something cold pressing onto his chest. How could he—when Dr. Mikagi’s fingertips were tenderly trailing up and down his body like he was playing a melody on the harp? “There it is...” It was like he was swelling up from inside—his organs expanding and pushing apart to make room for something that both belonged and didn’t. And then for a moment, he felt like fainting. He promised Dr. Mikagi he wouldn’t open his eyes...but in the lucid absence of thought, his eyes fluttered apart for just the briefest of seconds. There was that candy red liquid flowing down Dr. Mikagi’s arm again. Dr. Mikagi was smiling to himself, and that reassured him that all was okay. “Sleep for a moment, Rindo. I won’t go anywhere...so long as you continue to trust me.”
Breathlessness seemed to leave him wanting more everywhere inside of him. More oxygen. More Mikagi-san. Feeling deprived of both, sleep took him naturally. Or perhaps it wasn’t sleep at all. Perhaps it was something more akin to...a temporary ending.
Everything had stopped. And then, when it begun again, he was somewhere he only visited in his dreams. Somewhere he hated. Contained in water that felt tangible as if it were glue and in total darkness. He couldn’t breathe, yet he didn’t want for air. Even so, the inability to suck air into lungs terrified him—it felt unnatural—like he could suffocate at any moment. The strange amniotic fluid seemed to fill him, and he could feel it within his gut, his head, his ears, everywhere. Though he would kick and try to scream, his legs disobeyed him and no sound came from his mouth. This dream always ended the same. A tender warmth numbing him back to nothingness...and then he would rise awake back in his room at home right before dawn.
It came on suddenly during dinner. A coughing fit unlike any other before it. His parents were on the other end of the table, but they stared at him blankly as if waiting for him to cough up a piece of his food. Even when the fit had him on the ground gasping for air, they did nothing to help him. Minutes later, he heard footsteps entering the room as his blood was spit up onto the carpet. He could only see their feet and the rim of their white pants, but the people he hoped were coming to help him wore the same shoes as the doctors working with his father. They circled him, and he felt a pinch in the back of his neck as strong arms worked to lift him off the floor. The expressionless faces of his parents was the last thing he saw before it all faded to black.
Stung by that heartless visage, he didn’t even want to rub his eyes awake when he felt himself coming to. However, there was a soft recording of a piano playing that was comfortable to his ears. The familiar tapping of fingers atop a keyboard. Dr. Mikagi...it had to be.
Relieved by that belief, he started the motions of waking from a long sleep. Hearing him stretch, Dr. Mikagi turned on his stool to give Rindo his full attention. “How did you sleep?”
“...Ok, I guess.” As he looked around, he quickly realized that he had no idea where he was. It wasn’t the typical lab room in his father’s facility, nor anywhere that looked like his facility at all. It was a room with very minimal decorations—odd decorations that seemed like their owner got purely so the room didn’t look empty. Nothing really seemed to belong, save the organized desk Dr. Mikagi had been doing work on before he woke up. The wallpaper, and the blanket covering him were extremely old-fashioned, like something you’d see on a show trying to replicate the 60s. “Where...are we?”
His question was received by that same gentle smile he expected from Dr. Mikagi whenever they talked. “This is where I reside when I am off work. I do hope these accommodations are to your liking.” He...was at his house? The comfort he felt was suddenly replaced by embarrassment and the urge to hide under his blankets. But soon he wondered was he was even here to begin with. The last thing he remembered was passing out during dinner as doctors lifted him up. Something was wrong...though he didn’t even know where to begin.
“It’s alright, I suppose...but...” Remembering the uncaring look on his parents faces as he suffered made him not want to pry deeper. Dr. Mikagi was a good man, and he trusted him. Way more than he trusted his parents. “Never mind.” Though he didn’t want to sulk in front of the man he liked, he couldn’t help it.
Dr. Mikagi rose from his chair in response and sat next to him on his bed. His soft hand pressed against his cheek as if to assess or reassure, and unable to lift his gaze, Rindo shut his eyes. “Rindo...you have nothing to be sad about here. You’re...mine now.” Caught in between being caught off guard and slightly charmed, he instinctively looked at Dr. Mikagi like a deer in headlights. It was more statement than flirtation, but Rindo tried to convince himself it was the safe latter. When his lips were taken in a chaste kiss, he was further persuaded that it was mere romanticism and nothing more.
Now that he was looking at him—really looking at him—he noticed that Dr. Mikagi was wearing earrings for the first time. The black turtleneck he had on appeared to be very cozy too, and he couldn’t resist reaching out to touch it curiously. He had only ever seen him in his lab coat, so this was all new to him. Somehow he was even more handsome out of uniform. Realizing that when they were so close made his heart thump. “Ah...Mikagi-san...”
“I’m off duty right now, Rindo...you can call me Haz.”
Haz...
It felt like he’d just been allowed something special. A name that only Rindo was able to speak...even if only behind closed doors. Haz. There was something nice about it...something that he liked. What would it sound like coming from his own mouth? “Haz...” That earned him another sweet smile and slow kiss.
There was no more formality between them. That was new to him...having always been made to refer to people by their titles with proper conduct. This was easy—and though it was different, he was somehow happier beyond words.
“They never understood...just how perfect you are.” They? Haz didn’t let him dwell on the meaning for more than a second—their lips locking once again. The simplest answer, and the only one that made sense, was that Haz meant his parents. Only Haz saw him for who he was. That’s why he...liked being with him; why he thought of him even when they were apart. So being in Haz’s bedroom alone with him was like a dream come true.
Things never escalated beyond a few endearing kisses before, but there were obviously times he wished they had gone just a little further. He saved those little wishes in a jar and played with them when he knew he was alone at night in his room and nobody else could hear. What would happen if Haz knew? Even though he knew Haz loved him...would he find that side of him too dirty and rinse his hands clean of their whole relationship?
“Rindo?”
Haz eyed him curiously when he squirmed away slightly as if too hide. The last thing he wanted was to let Haz down, but this...what would he think of him after he knew?
Daring to meet Haz’s gaze, Rindo was met with eyes that seemed to be able to read his mind—carefully analyzing his smallest of movements and pairing them with a hypothesized result. Haz let out a quiet chuckle as he loaned Rindo some space that he would soon learn that he intended to take back with interest. “Can you do something for me, Rindo?”
“...Hm? Okay.”
Perhaps it was naivety, but he wasn’t able to see anything more to Haz’s smile than his usual calmness. “I’d like it if you could stand before me.” It was an odd request...but taking his time, he slid the covers off of himself, put his feet on the ground, and made to stand. Walking around the single person bed, he awkwardly positioned himself in front of Haz and averted his eyes.
“Now what?”
“Nothing...stay just as you are.”
Haz leaned forward and brought his head against Rindo’s chest...wrapping his arms around him tenderly. Unsure what to do, Rindo just stood there as Haz held him preciously with no intention of letting go. Somehow, Haz seemed smaller than usual. Like he was seeking comfort of some kind. He didn’t know where it came from, but he eventually found himself petting the man’s hair...which led to his fingers combing through it smoothly. It wasn’t like they were kissing, but he still felt something akin to the emotions that came across whenever their lips met. This however...made his heart soften...and ache at the same time. Loving someone so easily like this...made him feel like...why couldn’t someone—anyone—have given him this sort of care when it was this simple? He felt fulfilled and also deprived as Haz held onto him...neither of them planning to let go.
It soon came to be too much for him. His legs went weak and he melted into Haz...his knees on the floor, and his head resting in the kind doctor’s lap as Haz returned the favour by stroking fingers through his hair this time.
However long they stayed like this didn’t matter. Eternity could pass and it still wouldn’t be enough. He was fully intent of staying like this...until Haz said something that made his cheeks flush red and his mind to be sent into a tizzy. “Rindo, do you want to have sex with me?”
“E-Eh...?!”
Unable to stop his racing thoughts, he didn’t know how to respond right away. Haz was patient and waited for an answer...just silently continuing the same motions as if nothing had changed. His fingers really felt nice in his hair. It was perhaps thanks to them that he found his voice again. “Mm...yes...” Though spoken as quiet as a mouse, Haz heard him and that was enough.
There was no other way to describe it. Guided like fluid through a facet, Haz lifted him from his lap and eased him into a loving kiss. Eventually Rindo decided to test the waters by wrapping his arms around Haz’s neck—gradually finding himself atop the bed with a knee on each side of the man beneath him. It seemed right, if not bold, to take this small amount of initiative. Especially when it earned him a naughty nip to his lower lip and a look from the doctor that made his heart race. The feeling of a hand run underneath his shirt wasn’t unwanted either. Was this really happening? Were they really going to do it? He thought he knew what to expect, but in the heat of the moment..he didn’t know anything at all.
He wanted to know what was underneath. Haz knew everything about him, even before they found each other here like this.
After his breathing steadied and he felt Haz reach deep inside of him...Rindo still wanted more. Wanted to reach into him like he was the one under the knife this time. He was so perfect—a pristine marble statue that could be scrutinized over and over never to find a single flaw. “Hah...ah~ Haz...”
They kept a careful pace, even if Rindo gripped at him for a more that Haz wouldn’t even tease him with. The slow motions working through him somehow heightened his senses to a gruelling accuracy in which he could feel every inch, every centimetre...until it seemed as if he could recognize Haz down to the very atoms that composed him. Even if he begged—even if he pleaded—Haz would only continue as he was. Though it wore down on him as his body yearned for a deeper, senseless pleasure...there was also some part of him that was completely enraptured in this unfamiliar intimacy.
Again, he called his name. He had been stripped down and laid bare before him, and yet Haz was entirely clothed. The gradual swing of his hanging earrings mesmerizing—but his eyes even more so. Instead of plead in vain, he tried once more but for something he needed even more than anything else. “H-Haz...I want...to touch you.”
Their hands had been all over the other, and yet...skin only met skin when they pressed their palms together or shared in a kiss. Haz smiled at him then—taking Rindo’s hand and guiding it to the hem of his sweater and leading it in underneath. At first it was simply the nudity of his skin that he was introduced to...but then he felt something like a protruding line, and then another and another. His wrist took with it the rim of his shirt, and the higher his fingers explored...the more of his body he was able to see.
Scars littered his white skin in a way that suggested an impossible amount of surgeries. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw them. Rather than pull away however, he brought his other hand up to his exposed stomach and felt for as many as he could...in what was probably innocent curiosity. What could have possibly led to all of these? In one fluid motion, Haz tore off his shirt and tossed it away in open invitation. They were everywhere. Were his legs like this too...and if so, why? “Don’t be afraid, Rindo.” Placing a hand over his own heart—over the sizable scar that now concealed it—Haz smiled at him with a confident vulnerability. “These...are what made me. What put me on my path to you.” He said as one would if they were a man of god—ever believing that things happened for a reason.
Haz believed in no god up above however, and Rindo knew this. What they believed in more than some greater being in the sky...was each other. With his hand held preciously within Haz’s, he felt himself fluttering as the man kissed it like he was swearing an oath.
----
When he realized that Haz had every intention of keeping him here instead of sending him home, Rindo wasn’t as conflicted as he thought he would be. He hadn’t known true happiness until now, and he wasn’t ready for it to end. If his parents forgot all about him...that’d be okay. He’d never meet their impossible expectations no matter what he did.
And yet...
Haz still worked for his father. When he left, it was through a metal door that was clearly out of place in the house that looked like somewhere an old lady and her twelve cats lived. It was never locked, but Rindo never went near it regardless. Wherever it led surely had some connection to his father...and he didn’t want to get involved in their business again. That was until one night Haz got out of bed in the middle of the night to answer his phone...left through that metal door...and was gone for more than a few days.
He missed him...missed his touch—his affection—his voice. There was only one thing he could think of doing when he couldn’t bear being alone any longer.
Since he started living here, his cough was barely even a problem anymore. The smoothies Haz made him every morning always seemed to help. It was only now that Haz was gone that he felt it coming back. The last thing he wanted was to be a pest who only came looking for him to be coddled. This at least was a proper, medical reason...or so he thought.
Thus, when he finally built up the courage to storm the gates, he pressed on the button beside the door and stepped inside. Immediately, he recognized the walls as being the same as the facility’s. That they were connected just a wall apart seemed to be a bit demanding of the staff, but Haz didn’t seem to worry about it; as if he’d been raised to believe this normal.
The overhead lights had taken a moment to kick in, but not before the door was completely sealed behind him. Blinding darkness kept him from being able to identify what room of the facility he was in, but one by one the lights queued to activate—beginning with those closest to him. Rows upon rows of tall specimen tanks became revealed to him...and when he saw what was inside of them, he nearly puked.
Each one of the tanks contained a growing mass of flesh inside of them...and the fully formed ones...looked just like him. The tank that stood right in front of him was empty, but it was labelled: ‘Original.’ His heart stopped, and his brain became muddled—overtaken by the sudden impulse to get out. The door he came in from wasn’t opening this time no matter how hard he kicked and shoved. Haz knew. Haz knew—he was a part of this. But why? What was it all for?
Just as he was about to give up and collapse, he clued into what he had to do if he wanted to survive. There was an emergency exit a few halls down from where he knew Haz did his lab work. If he could just find that room, then...
All he had to do was run and never look back.
Only, that was easier said than done. Each tank he passed made him feel queasy to the point he felt like he could faint. It was senseless—stupid. What gave Haz the right...to clone him? And that tank that seemed to be marked especially for him...he didn’t want to stay here and find out what sick experiments he was plotting.
He trusted him. Gave everything to him. Only for this to be his reward...? A betrayal so unimaginable he couldn’t even put it into coherent words.
There was another metal door at the end of the room. It should’ve been the end for him here despite his master plan, but for some reason the door was stuck on something and couldn’t close fully. It took a bit of effort to push it open enough to squeeze through, and when he made it to the other side, he saw yet more tanks. This time...he really did fall down to the floor upon seeing something that made him nearly scream.
Three tanks each labelled: ‘Original.’
Inside one was his father, and in another was his mother. But it was who he saw in the third that left him breathless and sweating on the sterile ground. He could hear someone walking towards him, but he couldn’t avert his gaze from that last tank. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Rindo. I don’t think you’re certified to be in this area however. If you don’t resist, it will make this next part much easier on all of us.”
The voice that was speaking to him now was his own—but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the person floating absently in their vegetative sleep. Their unblemished and untouched body wasn’t familiar to him. It was wrong. Everything was wrong. Everything was wrong—so f*cking wrong.
He shouted once, and then...
